Tonight...

Tonight I was s mean mom. The yelling, impatient, frustrated, mean mom I swore I never would be. But there I was none the less, being that awful person that I always feared becoming. I was not nice to Ellie, as she told me several times. I put her in bed after a tantrum and a fight. The guilt got to me, and I went to tell her I was sorry. I asked her to forgive me for being so mean. Then my sweet Ellie said "It's OK mom, just give me a hug and a kiss." Oh that I could forgive like her. That I never held a grudge, and I asked for just a hug and a kiss from those that had hurt me. Become like a little child... We really do have a lot to learn from these little ones.

Thanks Ellie, for forgiving your mean mommy. I am so lucky to have you.

Sometimes...

Sometimes it takes a vacation and some quality time to remember how amazing your husband is. I don't know why I sometimes forget, but I was so happy to be reminded. Bob, you are wonderful.

Today I felt grateful.

Everyday I have so many reasons to feel grateful. But it is funny how the very few little bad things often get in the way of that. Today I was sick. I just can't kick it, this darn cough that is making my whole body ache. My husband was in a scary car accident today. My girls haven't being sleeping and Bob has been gone a lot, did I say a lot? I meant we haven't seen him in days. Starting to forget what that guy looks like. But yet, that doesn't mean there aren't so many reasons to be grateful. (Although finding them is often more of a chore...)

First of all, being sick is awful. Why is it so awful for me? Because I am blessed enough to almost never get sick. So when I do I am just not used to it. The gift there? I am normally healthy, well, and happy.

Bob being in a scary car accident. It just made me realize how grateful I am for that guy. The one who works so hard for us, and rarely complains. The guy who makes me laugh even when I am mad and wanting to scream. The guy who tells me when I am yelling into the phone, which is almost always. Yea, I am pretty dang grateful for him, and so glad the Lord didn't take him from me today.

No sleep. It makes me appreciate when I do sleep. It makes every moment i spend with that precious bed of mine all the more special. It also gives me sympathy for every mom and dad going through it. It also makes me so grateful to be up in the night with two little girls that I love and adore. I can't think of better reason to be awake (although, I definitely don't always remember that in the middle of the night...).

Bob being gone. The gift is that we have the most amazing friends that reach out to us and are there for us so we never feel alone. What a blessing. I don't know if I would be blessed with such wonderful friendships if my husband was always home. I hope I can a friend to others like these friends are to me.

So today I am grateful.

The truth is...

This is my new journal. I am sure it will be private soon enough, and I am sure there is no need, because I doubt anyone will be reading this. But here we go. My thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Oh man, this is gonna be big.